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Found in Darkness

by Aristotle's Hope

/
1.
I lost my way My map was wrong I prided myself on being even keeled Out of nowhere This pang in my chest Turned a dictator that had my dreams killed I lost my say To the silent voice That screamed in my ear that I was worthless This must be a lie What fool would listen? It can't be allowed This big of a mess Tell me where did I fail Guilty, am I falling off rails? I lost my will To the void inside That dragged me downward Till there was nothing left Is this my life? To face defeats? Can I retry? Undo this grave theft Tell me where did I fail Guilty of being too frail Shrink wrapped wings The gift from my maker under locks It's time to release all chains and break out of this box Lower all the shields you put up to Fortify your inner child and her rage Whatever the hurt you protected Let it flood out the cage Shrink wrapped wings The gift from my maker under locks It's time to release all chains and break out of this box Shrink wrapped wings The gift from my maker under locks It's time to release all chains and fly out of this box
2.
Don't believe a word I say I'm a good faker Hold the ground, don’t look astray Like a real poser Marvel at my titanium fence Though I ordered a solid wall Waving hands in a mad pretense A man like me must never fall Another year of not showing up The memo said I better wait While stacking tall piles Counting old files Spilling over into aisles Cannot contain What floods my main Gate In this cell of my own guilty choice Where I’m forced to hear this voice As you are, as you are You're enough You're enough Don't you believe a word I say I'm a good faker Oh my fear trying to guard my stead But did you drown the voice that said? As you are, as you are You're enough You're enough As you are Take another breath You're enough You're enough
3.
One too many Bugs crawl amok Slowly sinking Those who long to fly away from murky pits of lifeless muck Hands tied, mouth taped By my own senses Like those many straying And drifting idly among tight fences Like a sapling in a storm About to lose its form Would you anchor down, or let it go? Can you tell? Bye bye, old me Said I long ago To a shadow that scared And trailed and twisted, cast light as a foe Like a thread bound in a knot Ever tighter and distraught Will you pull me apart or cut me up? Will you tell me Kites in wild wind Sail the vast sky Craving their safety? Supposedly grown-up yet So frail am I Wrong to wish to flee Can anyone, hold my hand, help me land Tossed around in every which way Vertigo, swing 'round, lock me in this fray Holes in my head let the virus in Seeping out, I dissolve to less than thin Kites in wild wind Sail the vast sky Craving their…. Supposedly grown-up yet So frail am I Wrong to wish to flee? Floating all alone No rope in sight Am I still in one piece? Don't know where I'll go But I'll fly till the day Your fears release Will you meet me there, when I'm done, when I'm home
4.
Misty morn Early light No wind at all Serene and still Muted breath Blurry sight Feeling so small Running out of will Steps go on Winding path The faster I crawl Get more stuck in filth Call for help No reply Wonder if they thought the plea was a lie Oh the hearts poured out To carve out a space But see how perfect it looks The world without my place Will they sing without me? Will anyone know what's gone? Will the wind blow through the place I used to take Will they sing without me? Oh the hearts poured out To prove I've much to give But see the haunting beauty The world where I don't live Will they sing without me? Will anyone know what's gone? Will the wind blow through the place I used to take Will they sing without me? Will they sing without me?
5.
I could not believe my ears When I heard that They played out that story again for love They showed me this chain on my neck Could be shattered with a knee to depress Clamp down the cry for help with a shove To my heart My heart Thrown outside of this breastplate Can you bear to wait for hands from above? Tender arms that held my dreams 'Bout the good we see in the world Gave away as prey in the dark to atone Cannot breathe now Cannot breathe now Cannot breathe now I am drowning La la Spilling over, the guilt La la Of poisoning the spring Threads we wove together In the hopes of cohesive whole Tear apart to show the tumor instead that we have sown Boxed in but so scattered Please make this be impossible The puzzle pieces now disfigure themselves on their own La la Spilling over, the guilt La la Of my cruel king Cannot breathe now Cannot breathe now Cannot breathe now I am drowning I could not believe my ears When I heard that They played out that story again for love
6.
Exit Pt. 2 07:57
Will you eat my light It hurts my head We don’t see a thing anyway Only blinds lead blinds To crawl in wheels In search of poles that never sway Tear open the scar To find it dry Nothing ever flows any more Pour a drink for me For I gave up pain Don’t feel anything, that’s what I swore Oh the cure, the cure, the cure I finally found you Adrift in the cold ether No one knew no one knew no one knew Till at last I broke through To learn I was the cancer
7.
Perfume 06:34
I came home one day And saw my empty room Yet full of dark things Watching me from the floor This whiteness is pain to me Can I hide it with perfume Please don't come after me I don't want to lock this door From you All the people talking to me But who can I talk to This baggage is so heavy It weighs on my head The only way to take me off Is to throw away the dirty shoes I won't need them any more I'll learn to fly instead From here Climb up these stairs At least I'm going up My dear knife, please shine on me Let this dirty blood flow out I'm so empty and worn out I want this train to stop This is the last time I'll cut myself out From here Just when I got ready to go I saw you standing there With a cold body and a bruised heart I didn't know why you were hurt Then I realized you were dying with me And my escape will not be fair My death will not stop any deaths So we stood up to start Together
8.
Sometimes the going gets tough Sometimes you fear it's too rough Sometimes you think you're unfit But the world is better with you in it Sometimes you feel so unsure Sometimes there's no real cure Sometimes you're stuck in a pit But the world is better with you in it The world is better The world is better The world is better with you in it I know the pain is overwhelming And it feels like forever But you're not alone in suffering And your light still shines and lights our path brighter So know that you are enough Know that you are loved Know that there's a place where you fit 'cause the world is better with you in it The world is better The world is better The world is better with you in it
9.
I hear that life is beautiful But today downstairs is calling me Curtains cover up all the windows A lock is what I need to feel free No bright lights are needed here Just some walls to shield out the chatters Answers And pleasers They name what I will miss out But I fear "out there" doesn't hold the key Don't know if I should look for it The last thing needed now is visibility Bright lights only make me dizzy I need walls to shield out the chatters Answers And uplifters Shalala, shalala, deep down in Neverland I tore out the map that marked the path Shalala, shalala, don't fear the darkness Let me lay here and dream of rebirth Bright lights only make things dizzy I hope you will come to understand Questions are our last stand Shalala, shalala, deep down in Neverland Getting lost is the way to find a path Shalala, shalala, don't fear the darkness I will lay here and wait for rebirth

about

A concept album about an existential crisis.

Most of the tracks were written in 2020, when my midlife crisis happened to coincide with the global pandemic. The exception is track 7, which was written some time in the late 90s. I knew it was a special song that required care in terms of when/how to share with the world, and I kept it mostly hidden in my vault all these years. After the story of the album started taking shape, I realized that this was the spot in which this special song belonged.

Trigger warning: the story goes to a rather dark place.

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credits

released November 1, 2022

Aristotle's Hope
"Found in Darkness"

Written by Ari Koinuma

Track 1, 2, 4 chorus vocals:
Stephen Damon-Tilley
Voua 'Bob' Yang

Check out Stephens band Renegade Cartel


Track 8 performed by The WIB Choir '21:

Kelly Baker
Rob Baker
KC Beauregard
Jeff Casemier
Stephen Damon-Tilley
Chico Hathaway
TJ Jacobs
Jamie Knupp
Ryoko Koike
Andrea Orem
Mark Roselli
Jiran Seyn

Drums by Apple Logic Pro AI Drummer
Mastered by Greg Reierson, Rare Form Mastering
Production Coach: Lorie Marsh

Everything else by Ari Koinuma

Thank you patrons:

Eileen Arnold
David Chi
Rebecca De La Torre
Nowell
Paul Drake
Drea Lake
Elijah Moreland
Byran Saul
Abby Slocum
Ruth Ann Ramstad
David Arnold
Michael Wotipka

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all rights reserved

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about

Aristotle's Hope Saint Paul, Minnesota

Progressive rock about existential crises.

AH is a solo rock project of songwriter, guitarist, YouTuber Ari Koinuma.

Influences: Toad the Wet Sprocket, King's X, Cloud Cult, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots. Though my songs tend to get longer and be more prog.
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